I just feel like I don't have enough energy in me to deal with everything at once. I wonder if I'm the only person that feels that way. Other people don't seem to struggle with it. But if I have a clean house, I'm behind on my e-mails. If I'm keeping up with people, then I don't have enough time or energy to devote to job searching. If I'm job searching I don't work out. And quite time? Ugh. How in the world do people do it? Something is always being neglected, and it's all important.

I think I realized the past couple days that I generally feel abandoned by many of my close friends. And I think I'm partially to blame. It sucks. What to do? Nothing.

I've been trying to figure out life recently. I've been trying to figure out how to not only make it through life intact, but how to do so as a faithful follower of Christ. I think I've been making it more complicated than it needs to be. There is definitely something to be said for intellect and using it to follow Christ and deepen our faith, but I have found that my intellect has been getting in the way of my faith as of late. I find myself thinking that things are improbable, so I don't believe that they can happen. In the mean time, God is telling me to just trust Him and to have faith in Him. I don't because I want to rely on my logic and my intellect. It's a dangerous thing for me to rely on my intellect. I need faith like a child.

So, for me, it is important to have a simple faith. This still involves spiritual disciplines, but I am realizing that I need to simplify many things about my spiritual life. I get bogged down by how complicated everything is in my spiritual life as well as lose focus on the simple child-like faith that characterizes a follower of Christ.

I would be the doubting Thomas if I lived during the time of Christ. I would be the one that would scoff at the reports and say that people were delusional. I would not believe until I felt the nail holes and stared deep into my Savior's eyes. Perhaps I would even be a Pharisee, adding requirement after requirement to my faith. I would project a holier than thou attitude to the religious people around me and scoff at their simple faith.

Father, please make my life match up with what the life of a follower of You should look like. Please help me to have a simple faith and at the same time use the mind that You have given me. Holy Spirit, come and change me.

This song makes me feel better about life in general.

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

The Christmas season is here. Houses are decorated with all sorts of different holiday decorations. Christmas music is playing across the radio stations. The holiday shopping frenzy is well under way. Everything is alive with the hustle and bustle of what Christmas has come to mean to Americans.

It's odd to think back to this time last year. I was half way across the world. I hadn't been in Kenya a full week yet and Christmas was honestly the last thing on my mind. I was trying to figure out the thick accents and how the whole bottle deposit thing worked. I was in awe of the public transportation and the amounts of trash on the streets and walkways. I was completely overwhelmed, wondering what the next six months (which felt like an eternity) would hold.

Here I am, a year later. I made it! I still sometimes simply stop and shake my head at that fact. There were so many moments when I seriously doubted my ability to make it through all that I faced in Kenya. Yet, God was faithful, and I learned a lot about Him, myself and life in the process.

Here I am, a year later... I'm happy with my life. Honestly, if I had a job, I'm not sure how life could get any better right now. Even in the midst of worrying where the money for my next tank of gas will come from, I am learning to find peace in my God. He has brought me this far, what other choice do I have than to trust Him? He's going to provide. I know it. It may not be in my timing, but in the right timing (His timing) it's all going to work out. I honestly believe that. The journey is not always easy (goodness, Kenya brought that into focus), but it's always transforming if we follow where God leads us.

There was an quote that really stuck out to me this past Sunday, so I will leave that with you this evening.

Quote (paraphrased): When we forget where God has brought us from and all that He has done for us, the Gospel ceases to be transformational and becomes simply informational.

May we never forget all the ways that God has moved throughout history - both in our lives and in the lives of our physical and spiritual ancestors - and may we continue to be ever transformed by the truth of the Gospel and the working of the Holy Spirit.