My heart is breaking. It's amazing how the pain can make you feel alive and dead all at the same time. I'm worn out from trying to be okay. I felt like I could barely smile today at church. It's all crashing down.

I'm going to be okay. I always am. I know God is in control and that God has a good plan, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm trying to live like I trust God, but I'm doing a terrible job of it. Paying off debt, going back to Africa, questions about college, questions about relationships... They all are stressing me out and showing my lack of trust in my Savior.

Man, I need to cling to my Jesus. I need to cling to the Truth. Father, help me.